Reflections



Cambrey and I at our high school graduation

I am often shocked when I think about all of the things that I take for granted each and every day. I said goodbye to my best friend a couple of days ago because she's going on a three-week-long vacation and I realized just how much I'm going to miss her. We've been good friends since kindergarten and went to school together all through elementary, jr. high, and high school until we graduated two months ago - seated side by side, both of us in complete and utter disbelief that the anticipated moment had finally arrived.

For thirteen years, she was the person that I always looked forward to seeing everyday at school because the odds were that I had something really important to tell her or that I needed to ask her advice about a pressing issue. We kept each other going throughout our crazy, hectic, and stressful senior year, and we could always find things to laugh about even when we felt like crying and giving up. We have been apart for most of the summer and I have missed her company greatly, but at the same time, I realize that those days of seeing her daily are gone. Those thirteen years have passed and now it has all come to an end. It's amazing to think that I dragged myself through most of those long days at school, and now, on the other side of things, I wish that I just had one more year with her and all of the other friends that I cherish so greatly. Growing up is hard.

Another thing that I've been thinking about lately is how easily I've been breathing now that I'm out of school. That's probably the aspect of life that I take for granted the most - that simple process of taking in oxygen and giving out carbon dioxide. We're always breathing, but only every once in a while do we even notice it because we are always running around with so much on our minds. I was watching a movie the other day and I suddenly focused on my steady heartbeat and breathing - completely relaxed and unburdened by the weight of stress. I didn't have to worry about writing an essay, or doubling up on AP Bio chapters, or struggling through Calculus homework - I could just sit and breathe and relax.  In...... out. In....... out. In....... out.

The coursework at Berkeley is guaranteed to be more difficult than anything I've experienced before, but I don't want to repeat the mistakes that I made my senior year of high school. I have already come to face the fact that I will not be able to get all A's like I've done in the past and you know what? THAT IS OK. I will survive and I will learn, no matter what happens. I want to remember what this state of contentment feels like when I am in the midst of my studies next year because at the end of the day, I will still be alive, I will still be breathing, and that in itself is enough.

I will be driving down to Berkeley by myself tomorrow in order to get a better feel for the campus, get my ID card, and have lunch with a friend. It will be good for me to assert my independence seeing as I'm about to start a whole new life on my own. So I might as well start now :).

Sincerely,
Olivia

Cinematic Favorites

I just looked over my last few posts and realized that I have been touching on some pretty deep topics - the future, fear, nostalgia, etc. I mentioned before that I am a very sentimental person, but there is also a significant part of me that absolutely loves simplicity and simple pleasures. In the spirit of this, I decided to share some fun things today....

 

As part of my extensive college preparations, I have recently begun to deliberate on which movies I am going to allow myself to take. There are SO many great movies out there! I tend to lean more towards "people movies" that have amazing character development and intricate plots, but I also have a soft spot for silly movies like Austin Powers and Dumb and Dumber.  Anyways, these are a few that I would love to take with me (I don't have all of them on DVD, but if I don't they're definitely on my wish list!). My reason for choosing these particular ones is that I could watch them over and over and never get tired of them! That is important, considering that my selection will be much more restricted than it is at home.....
 

 

1. The Lord of the Rings Trilogy - A must. These could easily be some of my favorite movies of all time, and, I must confess, I did watch all three movies in a row once on the way down to San Diego. If you didn't already guess that I'm a nerd, you definitely know now.

 

2. Harry Potter (yes, all of them if possible) - These are also some of my favorites. All of the stories are timeless and the characters are so loveable. Besides, Hermione Granger never ceases to inspire me with her work ethic, desire to learn and succeed, love for others, and incredible bravery. A couple people have told me over the years that I remind them of her, and I consider that to be a beautiful compliment.

 

3. Notting Hill - Hugh Grant and Julia Roberts. Romantic Comedy. London. British accents. Hilarious scenarios. Need I say more? This movie is not very well known, but I love it :).

 

4. The Amazing Spider Man - Oh Andrew Garfield. I saw this movie three times in the theatres if that tells you anything. I love pretty much all superhero movies, but this one had just the right amount of everything - action, character development, romance, etc., and it completely blew me away.

 

5. Warm Bodies - This is quickly becoming one of my favorite movies of all time. By far, it's the best version of Romeo and Juliet that I've ever seen. Besides being a Zombie Romantic Comedy - which could be the best genre ever created - I loved all of the snappy one-liners and genuine nature of the story.

 

6. Pride and Prejudice - The Kiera Knightley version. Timeless romance and so beautifully written.

 

7. Elf - An absolute classic Christmas movie :). "He's an angry elf......"

 

8. Meet Joe Black - This is another one of those "lesser known" movies that I love. It's incredibly intellectual and has one of my favorite film scores of all time. If you can get past the idea that Brad Pitt is playing the Angel of Death in human form, it's fantastic.

 

9. Secondhand Lions - Honestly, I love pretty much every movie that features Michael Caine, and this one has not only him but Robert Duval as well! It's such a wonderful story and I hope to write one like it someday.

 

So there you go. You can tell a lot about a person by their taste in movies, so perhaps you have learned a few things about me from this list! I want to continue sharing some of my favorite things with all of you, but I will save that for a later date :).

Sincerely,
Olivia

 

 

 

 



Crossroads and What Could Have Been

On the plane home from San Diego yesterday, I found myself wondering how different my life would have been if I had grown up there instead of in Northern California. For those of you who don't know, I was actually born in San Diego but moved here when I was really young. Don't get me wrong, I have loved growing up in Northern California, but whenever I visit my family in So-Cal, nostalgic thoughts of what could have been always linger.


A beach on Coronado Island - one of my favorites in So-Cal

I love my family so much. I mean, most people do, but I have always had such a deep connection with my grandparents, and also with my cousins - who are really close to me in age - because I happen to be an only-child.

When I was little and both of my parents worked, I would stay with my cousins during the day, and people just assumed that my aunt and uncle had five children! I only lived a couple minutes away from them and also from my grandparents. I still get to see all of them about twice a year - a few weeks in the summer and a week or so during Christmas break - but it would have been so different if we would have stayed.


This was taken a few years ago at my cousin Chloe's graduation

But God had different plans, and He urges me to look forward, not backwards. Yes, I might not have had to go through those seasons of loneliness that have plagued me over the years, and I could have been like one of those cool surfer girl stereotypes that you can see on television, but then again, I wouldn't have been the "me" that I am today. The "me" that God has been shaping for the last seventeen (almost eighteen) years. In the same way, I could have chosen to go to UCLA or UC San Diego or Cal Poly, and I would have been closer to my family down there, but I chose to go to UC Berkeley because it just felt right and I know that that is where God has me.

It has gotten harder and harder to say goodbye to my family as the years have gone by, because it is becoming less and less certain of when I will be able to see them again. Soon I will be a full-time student at Cal, I will be looking for a job, and I will have more responsibilities on my plate than I will know what to do with. Adult life is upon me and I need to accept that things will not be as cut and dry as they have been in the past. It will not be a given that I get to travel to San Diego during the summer or even over Christmas, but I have to trust that God knows the desires of my heart and that no matter what happens, it will be in my best interest. So anyways, last week was incredible,  many memories were made, and I already miss all of them terribly, but I am definitely looking forward to our next meeting :).

On a side note - I was thinking about how I am going to structure this blog and I think that as soon as I start school, I am going to try and post at least once a week on Saturdays. That will give me a good goal to follow and then you all will know when to check for a new entry if you are interested in reading about my endeavors. For the rest of the summer, I will have time to post at my leisure for the most part, but as soon as school starts, I may be quite pressed for time. But I will do my best to keep up with this because I really do enjoy it :)

Sincerely,
Olivia

Spontaneity, Coincidence, and God's Amazing Love

A number of crazy events have happened over this past week. As I sit down to write this, there is a small part of me that can't believe that I am actually here....... "here" being at my cousin's house in southern California. So I'm going to tell this story, because few things have occurred in the past seventeen years of my life that better demonstrate God's love for me.

In my last post I talked about my memory box, but I neglected to mention the reason why I had needed its comforting contents that day. The truth is, I have always struggled with loneliness and my tendency to become deeply attached to my friends. I know that this stems from my reality of being an only child, but I still have never been able to shake these feelings completely. Working it out with God has certainly made it all better, but there are times when it rises up and begins to overflow. This is what happened on the morning of July 3rd. 

Everything seemed to hit me at once. Most of my family lives in San Diego and I usually go down to visit them for a few weeks over the summer, but as of July 3rd, it wasn't looking as if I would be able to make that trip this year. A couple of my closest friends were getting ready to leave for a big part of the rest of the summer on various adventures, and I was also beginning to realize just how much I am going to miss all of my friends and family next year when I'm at Berkeley. That morning I simply sobbed until I couldn't anymore. All of my tears were spent, but looking back, I don't remember praying in that moment. I think that I was too miserable to think about anything else - kind of pathetic I know, but I'm being completely honest here.

The next morning - July 4th - I sat down with my mother at our kitchen table to take a look at the calendar. I had previous engagements for the rest of the summer and we determined that my only window of opportunity to go to San Diego would be over the next two weeks. Then I remembered something. A very dear friend of mine had told me a couple days before that he and his family were getting ready to drive to San Diego for a vacation. I knew that it was a very slim chance that I would be able to go with them, but I decided to pursue it anyway and after a series of hectic phone calls I had a ride down to southern California. I left the next morning on July 5th. Remember, this was all taking place the day after my "emotional breakdown." 

Throughout this whole experience, I have been reflecting on just how much God loves me. A couple weeks ago, I listened to a sermon about the first couple chapters of Exodus and how God had "seen the misery" and "heard the cries" of His people in Egypt, and how He was "concerned about their suffering." The God of the entire universe was acutely listening to the cries of His children and He was determined to rescue them. I remembered that when I was crying that morning, I had forgotten to pray, but God must have heard me after all. He knew the desires of my heart, and because He loves me, He took care of me. Of course, He didn't have to go to such dramatic measures to do so, but the amazing coincidences of this past week only serve to glorify Him and His amazing, perfect love. 

So this is the story. There were many other things that happened along the way, but if I attempt to write out all of the "God things" that have occurred this week, I would be writing for a very, very long time. I hope that this story has given you a couple of smiles and some encouragement and that you are reminded that God loves us no matter what and that He is always listening.

Sincerely,

Olivia

Encouraging Words

I don't really know what the "blog norms" are, and I'm not sure if posting two days in a row is an unspoken violation of some sort, but I just can't help it. I love to write! Good thing too, because English majors sure do a lot of that :)

By the way, I was shocked by the positive feedback I got from my first post! Thank you to everyone who read it and gave their appreciation! Words of encouragement of that nature are very dear to my heart. And with that, I would like to smoothly transition into my desired topic..... handwritten letters and other keepsakes.

Old-fashioned correspondence simply gives me so much happiness. I currently have at least three different types of stationary in my possession and envelopes in a variety of colors. My address book leans right up against my thesaurus on my desk and I always love to add new acquaintances to its pages.

I have kept nearly every note and letter and birthday card that I have ever received. No joke. I find them everywhere. In fact, my room itself is a ram-shamble of assorted memorabilia as I have pictures plastered all over the walls, my favorite books stacked in my bookshelf (with notes written in the margins, of course), a mini Christmas tree that I have neglected to take off my desk, and collections of papers lying around everywhere in neat but unorganized piles. Anyone that knows me well would say that I am a deeply sentimental person, and that is completely true.

This brings me to my memory box - something I cherish greatly. It contains some of the best letters of encouragement I have ever received and whenever I am dwelling in doubt, indecision, or am simply trying to fight off loneliness, I take it down from its place on my bookshelf and begin to rifle through its contents. The box itself is some cheap thing I got at Walmart, but with a little love and care, a lot of Mod Podge (something akin to glue for you crafting newbies), and tons of pictures from old magazines, I turned it into a delightful thing to look at. I don't remember exactly when I made it, but I think it was a few years ago at least. At the time I put a little inscription on the cover and today I actually read it for the first time in a very long time:

"Someday I will travel. I'm not quite sure where yet, but I know that I will. Hopefully I will make it to England and perhaps even live there for a while and maybe even write a book - a story that tells of adventure and mystery and true love. Nothing like the love stories of today, but of gentlemen and ladies; not necessarily in fortune but in manners and chivalry and dignity. Maybe someday I will find my own Prince Charming. I wonder where I will find him? Will it be here in the United States? In California? Or it could happen in England or Ireland or Scotland or Wales if I go to Oxford or Cambridge for a semester. I could meet him in a coffee shop or bookstore and it will be enchanting. We could discuss our favorite books and films and then we might exchange information just because we admire each other so fondly already. But whatever happens and wherever I go, I know that God will be with me - I may not always realize it, but it's true. He knows what's best for me and my life is fully in His hands. I will also have this box - for this box is special. It contains precious memories and words of timeless encouragement. Whenever I can't trust my own wandering heart at least I will have this to turn to."

I had to smile when I read this. Certainly a lot has happened in my life since I wrote those words at fifteen or sixteen years of age, but no matter what hardships get thrown at me in the next few years, I know that there will always be a little part of me that still wants to meet my "Prince Charming" in a coffee shop somewhere in England. However silly that may sound.

That inscription and the letters that I have kept have given me so much encouragement over the last few years; often at times when I thought that none could be found anywhere else. When this idea occurred to me this afternoon, I told myself "Wait a second, you have a blog now! There could be a slight chance that this little story could brighten someone's day, so you should share it." So if that person is you, I hope that you find encouragement today. I hope that you allow yourself to take some "you time" and find a sense of peace by looking through some old photo albums or calling up a friend just to chat or even simply watching an episode of your favorite childhood cartoon (mine is a toss-up between Looney Tunes, Tom and Jerry, and Scooby Doo :D). In a world where there's so much bad, I hope that you find a glimmer of pure innocence today :). Even if just one person gets a smile out of this post, I will consider it to be a success. Have a great rest of your day everyone. God Bless.

Sincerely,
Olivia

New Beginnings

I love the first sentence of a book. It holds so much potential and promise for all that is to come.

As I was thinking about this the other day, I wandered over to the literature section of my family's little private library and started to browse some of the titles on the shelves. My parents are life-long readers and I also developed a love of reading throughout my childhood, but only recently have I grown to appreciate all of the beautiful leather copies of classic literature that are at my disposal. Anyways, I grabbed a few of my favorites, opened them up all up to Chapter 1, and read the first sentence in each......


"It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife." Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

"In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit." The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien

"When I wrote the following pages, or rather the bulk of them, I lived alone, in the woods, a mile from any neighbor, in a house which I had built myself, on the shore of Walden Pond, in Concord, Massachusetts, and earned my living by the labor of my hands only." Walden by Henry David
Thoreau

"Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much." Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone by J.K. Rowling

"When Mary Lennox was sent to Misselthwaite Manor to live with her uncle everybody said she was the most disagreeable looking child ever seen." The Secret Garden by Francis Hodgson Burnett


Ok. I lied. These are not all "classic literature", but they are all great stories that are beloved by so many people across the world. It amazes me that every great novel has to begin somewhere - with a single sentence.

I suppose that the reason why this has fascinated me so much, is that, figuratively speaking, I am about to write the first sentence in the next chapter of my life's story - college. In the fall, I will be headed off to the University of California, Berkeley, to study English and I couldn't be more excited and terrified at the same time. I have found myself worrying about the silliest things lately.... things like whether or not I'll have enough money to buy shampoo and conditioner if I run out, or if I'll have enough warm clothes for the winter, or what books to bring with me. But then again, I have also been worrying about important things as well....... Will I be able to compete academically at Berkeley? Will I find a healthy church community down there? How badly will I miss my friends and family? Will I be able to defend my relationship with God confidently if put in the situation?

Even though I don't leave for another two months, all of these things have been weighing on my mind.

But at the same time, I know that God is writing my story. The pen is in His loving hand. I look again at those first sentences from some of my favorite books and its apparent that not all of them are spectacular - the Hobbit's especially - but that turned out to be one of the best stories ever written. I guess what I'm trying to say, is that even if my first sentence isn't a masterpiece, my first few days or weeks at Berkeley are discouraging, that doesn't have the power to shape my whole college experience. God is going to fill the next four years of my life with joy and adventure as well as trials and hardship, but it will all fit together to create a beautiful and well-balanced tale that will ultimately reflect Him and His Glory.

I plan to use this blog as a way to keep all of you connected to my life and to what God is doing in Berkeley over the next few years. Again, I don't leave for a while but there will probably be more thoughts as I prepare for my departure :). I know that these next four years are going to be the hardest I have yet faced, but with God's guidance I am sure that I will walk out of Berkeley with so much more knowledge and experience and hopefully, a better idea of what God has for me in this crazy adventure called life.